Ricky’s First Cocktail Menu

Goddamn, they grow up so fast

So, it’s been a few months since I’ve been behind the stick, and it’s got me depressed something awful when I think about it. Then I realize that I’m still 22 and have a long while before I should start to worry about it.

I’m bartending one of my friend’s (and former professor) party in a few weeks, and truth be told, I’m pretty excited. I actually kind of missed the smell of lime oil erupting in little clouds from the press and the sound of ice against glass and steel.

I would say that I miss serving my clients too, but I get to do that every day behind a different counter, dispensing uppers instead of downers. Come to think of it, every job I’ve ever held dealt in legal, addictive stimulants.


So, maybe it’s just me, but I feeeeeeeeeel as if my friends are stuck on cheap, american rice beer (Yes, Budweiser. I’m looking at you.) super-premium vodka and energy drinks.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I feel that at my ripe old age, I’m waiting for the rest of my kin to start drinking better. In the meantime, I’m kicking back with a cabinet full of books and booze. This is shelf two of three.

Where the fuck was I again? Oh yeah. The menu. It’s really hard to put together a cocktail list, even if you aren’t selling them so much as making them for a party. I decided one page is enough, maybe three to five cocktails, just to help guide some decisions.

But being a young, inexperienced bartender, I had questions: is it best to weigh more heavily on a specific spirit or have an even distribution? In terms of labor, should I place my loss-leader at the top or bottom of the list? Will the politician (who will remain unnamed) who brought his own Black Velvet last time turn his nose up at Fernet? Will Smith on Capitol Hill mind that I totally ripped off their menu format (and Trinidad Sour, which they totally ripped as well, removing the 2 oz. of Angostura Bitters during the bottle shortage?)

I also figured that I shouldn’t put anything on the list I wouldn’t drink myself. I didn’t create any of these, but chose them because they’re easy to build quickly and because they’re damn tasty. I just hope that somewhere in the jumble these professors will be able to find something they’ll enjoy.


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Filed under Bartending, Fernet Branca, Ginger Beer, Gosling's, Herbs, Lemon, Lime, Mint, Old Overholt, Orgeat, Rosemary, Rum, Rye, Whisk(e)y

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